Update time!

I know it has been a long time since I last posted. I’m sorry for that! I have had a hard time balancing life in general with working. I work 5-6 days/nights a week. So usually I was spending what time I had with the family.

And now school is back in session. I officially have a high schooler, a middle schooler, and a kindergartener! So hard to believe! They just went back on Wednesday! But, I’ve been sick and cleaning house. I was off work on Wednesday and Thursday, so was trying to catch up on things. But still didn’t have time to post here :(

So here I am! Super duper excited knowing my parents will be here soon, and get to spend some time with them. So thankful that my boss let me take the weekend off, knowing it is the busiest time for us at work.  My “weekend” is usually Wednesday/Thursday.

We have had some major things going on around here.

First, my husband is working the dayshift now! He was working overnights for his first month and managed to “win” a day shift position. Because of my work schedule we don’t see a whole bunch of each other, but it’s better than what it was.

Secondly, we adopted another dog! We thought it wouldn’t ever happen again after losing Destiny. We thought we were done bringing animals into our hearts and homes. Then the thoughts were “maybe someday, but not today… not any time soon”. But I saw a picture of a dog (not the one we ultimately adopted) on the local humane society’s petfinder. I fell in love. Just with her picture. I knew I was ready. My husband saw her picture and he too knew he was ready to bring in another. We were sure we needed another lab/lab mix.

We never even got a chance to meet that dog whose picture we saw. She was adopted out quick. We didn’t even adopt from the humane society. We happened to be looking through Craigslist, and just then a new “free dog” posting came up. My husband contacted the people; I had to go to work.

We were not the first people to contact them. But we were the furthest away – which told them we must REALLY want her. My husband and kids picked her up that day. She’s a 6(ish) month old “Boxador” (lab/boxer mix).  The people who gave her to us had rescued her from a very bad situation where she was not taken care of, severely underweight, and sick. They took her to the vet, got her shots, got her medicine, and helped her gain weight. Less than a month later, they gave her up. They had their reasons, and some of those we know of. Some they probably didn’t reveal to us. But we love her.

Meet JuneBug

Third thing – our mama rat terrier is no longer with us. It makes me sad but she was so unhappy here. She went to a home with another senior rat terrier that needed an older companion. That’s the kind of home she needed for her senior years.

So that’s an update on what’s going on around here. Now I better go get ready since my parents will be here soon with their dog – let’s hope the dogs all get along well!

It still hurts so much

Destiny and I a year ago

 

When will it not hurt so much anymore? When will the tears stop flowing when I’m wide awake late at night? When will I be able to come home and not feel the extreme hurt when she’s not there to greet me, with the other dogs?

She was so much more than a dog. She was a major part of our family. I remember the day we got her, just as vividly as I remember the births of my human babies.

I also remember the feel of that tumor, the sounds she made when breathing, the way she had such a hard time moving around….

I remember everything.  I still hear the noises she made, from time to time.

It’s hard to feel this much sadness, all the time. Often trying to hide just how sad I feel. Saying goodbye to her was one of the hardest goodbyes I’ve ever been through, and I’m still trying to get through it. I’m just not doing a very good job of it yet I guess.

Goodbye my sweet girl….

We’re going to miss you!

Found on Pinterest

I’m a quitter

I didn’t stick with that job I’d gotten. It was not for me. After a week of training I returned my uniforms. I can’t work fast food anymore (I’ve done it before, years ago)… But I have respect for those who can. I don’t do well with the incredible fast pace. I can go in spurts, but solid lunch rush is too much for me.

I’m waiting to hear back when I start somewhere else. Oddly enough, the same company I worked for in Texas. Its been just over a year since I left the company, and now I’m going back to it. Same job title as before, but back to the bottom pay and all that.

The only hold up is the drug screen. I have no fears about it, I take a daily multi vitamin and other supplements, but nothing illegal or that would risk my losing out on this job. It just takes time for them to run whatever tests they need to, and to get back to the company. I thought I’d be starting orientation today, but when I called yesterday there was no update, and possibly not an orientation starting today anyway.

I’m hoping for that call to come soon though, so I know when I’m starting.

First day!

Yesterday was my first day at the new job. Fast paced, chaotic, but good day all together. I hurt a bit today, and am bruised in places. But I’m hoping it’ll get better as I adjust to working out of the home again. I spent a year at home with the kids full time, so it will take awhile to get used to working, as well as to “get used to” the aches and pains that come with any job. Especially after taking an extended amount of time off.

I’m working a shorter shift today, and not sure yet what I’ll be doing – but I’m looking forward to learning all I can. Because I’ve worked this kind of job before, I did find myself jumping in before some expected me to be comfortable with it. But they seemed impressed, which has to be good – right?

An Offer, and a Rejection

On Monday I was offered a job! For the first interview I had recently. I accepted the job offer, but I still went to the interview I had scheduled that afternoon. Most of the day I was feeling confident and not really that nervous. Until it was just about time to leave… then the nerves kicked in really bad.

This second interview was very important. I really wanted that job. It was something new, but a familiar place. I’d worked for that company before, back home. It was where I got my first non-babysitting job. I felt sentimental. Like maybe this job was the one I was supposed to be hired at. Going full circle.

But something didn’t go well during the interview. I don’t know if I just didn’t answer the questions well or what… I just know I didn’t walk out of there feeling good about how it went. I hoped I was wrong, and I’d get the call that they wanted me. But that call never came. Instead I received a rejection email.

My 100% job offer/hire rate after interviews is gone. Yes, this is the first time in all my life I didn’t get a job I was interviewing for. I had a good run, but somewhere I fell… flat on my face.

But, I still have a job that I start today. That matters, too! I’m grateful they offered me a job! If I never would have had the other interview, I would be over the moon. I just don’t handle rejection very well.

Time to move on, and let go. Let go of the disappointment in myself for failing to “WOW” the ones interviewing me on Monday afternoon. Time to be proud and happy for myself for actually getting those two interviews. And for landing a job. Its not an easy task. There’s too many applicants, not enough jobs.

So with my head held high, I can say “I have a job!”

Interviews…

Soon after my last post, I got a call for a job interview! I completely misheard on the phone and showed up that afternoon (Tuesday). Turned out she said to be there THURSDAY, not TODAY (Tuesday) like I had heard. So for a good portion of Tuesday I was honestly freaking out. Interviews cause me a lot of anxiety. And then add on the embarrassment of being 2 DAYS early! Yikes!

Wednesday afternoon I got another call from a different place to interview at on Monday.

But yesterday I had my first job interview in almost 3 years. All morning I was sick to my stomach. The anxiety was fierce! I was scared to go back there after showing up on Tuesday. I was sure that probably completely disqualified me for the position. Listening skills are very much required.

I showed up 15 minutes early, which is typical for me. For both interviews and once hired. The interview before me was completed so we were able to start almost right away.

Of course once we started I was comfortable and able to be more confident in myself. But getting myself to that point was not easy.

At the end I was told she’d let me know. But she also threw in “I think you did VERY well”. I think so too!

I walked out the doors at the time I was supposed to start interviewing. I also walked out with more confidence than what I walked in with.

Once it was all over, I couldn’t help but question why I was so scared all day. It seemed so silly. I have a lot of experience, not at this particular place, but at places like it.

I just hope that when the time comes for my next interview, I can be confident the entire time leading up to it, as well as during.

New Adventures Await!

Things have been a bit crazy around here lately! My husband starts a new job tomorrow, which is in itself – great. The last place he worked was not a good place. They treated him horribly. So his job search is over.

I on the other hand, am searching for a job. The job change means a decrease in pay. I have to go back to work to help make up the difference. The thought of that alone scares me a bit. I haven’t worked outside of the home in almost a year. I didn’t need to, we were getting by okay. But now… now it’s different. Now I need a job to bring in something at least.

Once upon a time, I thought making the necklaces I was making would help us out.  Though that didn’t last long. I had a site set up on Etsy, and aside from friends and family – nobody else bought any.  Eventually I let the listings expire and never renewed them. Instead I’ve kept them and occasionally use them for gifts.

I’d like to re-list them now though. Because really, we need the money more than we need the necklaces.

So maybe, just maybe… I’ll re-open that Etsy shop and try selling again.

Little bit of gain, little bit of loss

The diet is slow going, which discourages me some. But I have to admit, I “cheat” more than I should. Popcorn is a MAJOR weakness of mine… buttery, salty popcorn.  But I’ve moved away from microwave popcorn at least. Now its air popped.  And I top it with real butter and salt…

At one point I re-gained 2lbs. I’m down 8.5lbs from the start weight. For me, it seems like not enough – until I remember the popcorn I’ve eaten. Or the pizza. Or something else, instead of salads.  I just can’t go as hard-core this time. Most of the food I cook is food I enjoy. Its finding the right portion that is taking more importance than the deprivation of food I love.  The first (and last) time I really stuck with a diet, I REALLY stuck to it. I felt deprived of food. Because all I ate, all day and night, when hungry – was chef’s salads. But honestly it helped that I was cooking food for the family that I honestly didn’t care for. They did, but I didn’t.

I can’t see myself doing that again. I just can’t.  But it’s okay. The weight is coming off, slower this time. And any loss in weight is a good thing. For me, it is very good.

I miss you!

Corey and “his” tree

I miss you today. I missed you yesterday. I’ll miss you tomorrow.  Fact is I haven’t stopped missing you in nearly 15 years since you died – and I never will stop.

You were the one I could go to with anything. You were always there for me. You kept me safe. You helped me through so many things. I wish you were here to help me through more. I wish my kids could know you. Not just what they’ve been told, but YOU.

You were more than just a cousin. You were my best friend. My big brother.  And then, you were gone. It didn’t seem fair then, and it still doesn’t seem fair now.  It isn’t fair. You were too young. You could have lived for so many more years. A tragedy took you too soon. You’d escaped death before; I wish you could have escaped it again. But I know there must have been a reason that you couldn’t stay with us.

It doesn’t change how much I miss you though…

He was a Marine before his death