It still hurts so much

Destiny and I a year ago

Destiny and I a year ago

 

When will it not hurt so much anymore? When will the tears stop flowing when I’m wide awake late at night? When will I be able to come home and not feel the extreme hurt when she’s not there to greet me, with the other dogs?

She was so much more than a dog. She was a major part of our family. I remember the day we got her, just as vividly as I remember the births of my human babies.

I also remember the feel of that tumor, the sounds she made when breathing, the way she had such a hard time moving around….

I remember everything.  I still hear the noises she made, from time to time.

It’s hard to feel this much sadness, all the time. Often trying to hide just how sad I feel. Saying goodbye to her was one of the hardest goodbyes I’ve ever been through, and I’m still trying to get through it. I’m just not doing a very good job of it yet I guess.

We have all the luck!

Imagine that you’re on a buy/sell/trade/free type site and you see a sad story about how someone needs to rehome their dog. Your heart strings are tugged tight as possible. You decide to take the plunge and meet the sweet dog who’s picture you fell in love with.  And you bring her home.

This happened to us! And it gets better yet.  A matter of 6 weeks after bringing our 8 year old rat terrier home, she woke me up one Saturday morning crying.  I thought she needed out!  I had no idea she was in labor!!! I had no clue at all she was even pregnant, because I swore she’d had a heat cycle (bleeding – probably a miscarriage) early on. I’d never had a dog get pregnant, cats, yes. But never a dog. I didn’t see any signs, even looking back there were no tell tale signs.  Especially since I was so sure she’d gone into heat (but we never let her out unattended, and no contact with any intact males).

The day we brought her home :)

The day we brought her home :)

Soon after taking her out and of course her just crying to get back in, I thought to “check” her. I looked at her backside and realized we had babies on the way!  The first one was almost right there! I felt so horrible not knowing she was pregnant in the first place, and again having no experience with a dog in labor I was at a loss.  She seemed to really want me to stay close, so I did.  She gave birth to 2 wonderful puppies, a boy and a girl!

Chomp!

Chomp!

We decided to keep the girl (and yes, mama and her will BOTH be getting fixed) and found a forever home for the boy.  The two puppies look nothing alike! The girl (Bella) has these huge floppy ears, the boy has little ears. Bella’s paws are bigger than her mama’s are – the boy’s paws are tiny! Bella was born with a naturally short tail, he has a natural long tail (which we kept intact) I have no clue what they’re mixed with or they could be pure like her but I doubt it, but they definitely are a couple adorable puppies! In the picture directly above that is Bella chomping on her brother!

And here’s the last picture I took of them together before they were separated… They always had so much fun together, and it took awhile for both Bella and mama to adjust to him not being here anymore. He’s in front, Bella’s in back.

Their last picture taken together. Bella in back, the boy up front.

Their last picture taken together. Bella in back, the boy up front.