Most of my body hurts

My hip dysplasia is getting worse and worse, each day. My body hurts more and more every single day.  I’m tired of hurting.  My mid back all the way down to my toes are sore. Worse than sore.

As I walk, I can feel my knees hitting each other which hurts quite a bit, especially since I do a lot of walking/moving around at work. My feet are swelling up every day. My hips hurt constantly. My back is taking the brunt of it. For a short time, a pillow between the knees while sleeping helped. But my knees have pretty much ground that flat and its not doing much good (if it is, I’d hate to see how I would feel without it at all).

Last night I had to squat down while at work.  I couldn’t get back up right away. So, I sat. Right there on the floor. And stayed there for a while. I did what I could while sitting on the floor vs. squatting. But I couldn’t stay like that.  I had to pull myself up.  That’s never easy to do. A friend/co-worker offered to help me up. But I couldn’t bring myself to let her. But I know that if it’d been in a less populated area, and if we were more hidden, I probably would have let her.  I hate showing my weakness. And I see this as my weakness. I can barely move without pain, getting up after being forced to sit on the floor hurts even more. But I need to keep some pride I suppose.

I’ve missed work because of the pain. Because I can’t get up out of bed. And its just getting worse. I can’t get out of bed, the pain gets to be too much – and I pass out again from it. It happens that way almost every day now. Finally managing to get out of bed by rolling out. But it takes time. It takes energy.  Energy and time I rarely have enough of anymore.

I wish the pain could be controlled, that I could go back to meds at least dulling it enough that I could function again. But, OTC meds just aren’t enough.

If I had insurance I’d have been to a doctor for this already. I wish I could go, but we just don’t have the available funds for it. So, I try to get through each day. That’s about all I can do anymore.


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